can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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