If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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