So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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