He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
