His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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