Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sarcasm needs its own font
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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