on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
