this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
