I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
