Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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