The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
