Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
