NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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