reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
