And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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