i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
