Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
