I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
