Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cockslap morals
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
