I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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