What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
