Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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