i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
