What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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