Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
