i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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