last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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