i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize