never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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