Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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