toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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