Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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