im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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