Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
