I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
