I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
