i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you had me at cake vodka
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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