I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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