i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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