I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
