I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
