I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
