in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
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Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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