shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
