in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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