WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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