True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
