yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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