so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
