fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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