My first STD was from a foam party
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And then he peed in my hair
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