STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize