So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
