The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
