Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
