We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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