from now on my penis is your penis
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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