It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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