do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
40s are totally the cure
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
