I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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