he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
