did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
