I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
