Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When did angry sex become our thing?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
