my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
