My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
