I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
my liver is dry heaving
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
