hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
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