I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
handjob tips. give me some.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
me + whiskey = a bad person
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
