yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
